Updates on weight, health issues and annoying co-workers from hell

Well, life for this Southern Belle has been crazy since my last post, which I’m going to toss out like word vomit in one long, rambling blog….sorry, not sorry 🙂

When I was seven I had my tonsils removed, ending what seemed like and endless cycle of tonsillitis and strep throat. I had not had strep since, until last week. I’m not a baby (unlike the giant infant I call a husband), I don’t think I whine when I am sick, usually just want to be left alone and sleep, a lot. I came home Wednesday from work, just wasn’t feeling good; sore throat, slight hacking cough and itchy ears (yes, itchy ears). These are the usual signs of seasonal allergies, which for me are worse in the fall. I assumed drainage was the reason for my sore throat, so I drank lots of hot tea, took cold and sinus medicine and slept. Folks, I was wrong, so very, very wrong. I woke up Thursday morning feeling so much worse, unable to swallow even water without horrible pain. I had called the doctor the day before thinking I could get ahead of a sinus infection, so off the doctor I went, feeling worse than I have in years. Throat culture confirmed: strep throat. Ugh. So much for returning to work last week. Got my antibiotics and raspberry sorbet (because it sounding soothing, not “good” and less fat and calories than real ice cream). The issue with the antibiotics was, even with no appetite, I needed to eat a little something or I would feel sick to my stomach. After being off bread for weeks, I had a piece of toast each day, sometimes for breakfast and dinner. While fat and calorie wise, it wasn’t horrible, as that was pretty much all I was eating until Saturday, but I felt like I was cheating by eating BREAD.

That is what a diet does to you, it vilifies food to the point you feel real guilt when it passes your lips. No being grateful to the toast that keep my meds in my system, thus making the raw, painful throat heal and allow me to resume my life. No, I must beat myself for consuming CARBS. Then there was the guilt of not working out. I walked Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday to Saturday I was laying on the couch all day, leaving only to let dogs out and go to bed to take a proper nap once my husband returned home to be on dog watching duty. I would go to be each night as if I was once again a sick seven-year old, no later than 8:00pm. I was sure the combo of toast and all that sleep was converting to fat and the scale was going to be my judge, jury and executioner. I was dreading Monday’s weigh-in.

While I did lose, it was only .6 lbs (or 9.6 oz), but I didn’t gain. My total thus far is 17.2 lbs. I won’t say I was happy, relieved is a far better way to describe my feelings. I was determined to kick it in high gear and get back on my 2 lb per week loss program. Well, not so fast. I had an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon yesterday. While I have known that eventually my arthritis would progress to the point of needing knee replacements, I honestly thought I had more time…. but the time has come. Compared to the x-rays from just two years ago, the cartridge and space between the bones in my knee are completely gone, bone on bone grinding with each step. I’m waiting to hear back if I can be scheduled before the end of 2017, otherwise I have the issue of skyrocketing costs and high deductibles and out-of-pocket expenses that must be met before insurance will over anything. Our failing healthcare system is a rant for another blog, as I already have a headache thinking about it.

So, on to the last tab currently open in my brain; annoying co-workers. I was out sick, with no warning. My boss, the BEST boss, can take care of himself and ended up not even coming in one day I was out. However I had already planned to be out for my appointments on Tuesday before getting sick, so I know it looks like I’m the biggest slacker in the office. Now, I’m looking at being out for 4-6 week, if all goes well (which it will). One office neighbor, a true Queen Bee from a previous blog, has to go on and on about how late she works, how her boss calls her at 6:00am to make changes and how over worked she is. I may be overly sensitive, but if just feels like a  “look how much I am doing while you are taking time off”. I just can’t, not today, not ever. Do your job, get your paycheck and shut the hell up! I value my job and strive to do the best job I can for the best boss ever, but I can’t come to work deathly ill (nor would anyone want me too) and I can’t ignore the burning pain with each step.

So, that is what has been going on in my world since I last posted. Let’s hope things get better before we chat again.

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I love you, but….

I truly believe that my husband is my other half. No one, not my ex-husband, former boyfriends, friends or even family have seemed so close to me in my entire life. We are very similar, but with enough difference to keep life interesting. We genuinely enjoy spending time together, he’s my best friend and my first choice of who I want to hang out with, always. That said, because he is so much like me, there are times he gets on my last good nerve. These times don’t happen often, but this weekend it happened.

My husband is smart, well read on so many topics and loves to debate is his point, often to the “death”. I love his passion and while 90% of the time we are on the same side of the debate, the times we aren’t, watch out. Again, being we are so similar, I too have great passion and we will get into heated debates. Nothing too serious and without fail at the end of the day we can put anything aside, because nothing is more important than our relationship. This weekend the debates were more with his mom, which is where his passion comes from. I woke up yesterday asking if he had apologized to his mom yet, as I really felt he crossed a line. He had not and had no intention of doing so. I let it go, as I was in no mood to ruin my Sunday with carry-over drama from the day before.

This got me thinking about the shit we let go for the sake of the relationships in our lives. Not just with a spouse, but we all make allowance for those people closest to us, allowances we would not afford a stranger on the street. My husband’s mother is a perfect example. While I feel he owes his mom an apology, not because he was wrong, but for how he handled himself, I am typically on the opposite side of her in most of the time. We don’t have the same views on many thing, yet it doesn’t keep me from loving her and having a wonderful relationship. When she pushes me too far, I tend to physically remove myself, as I don’t want to be disrespectful and the debates are usually nothing so personal that I feel I need to cross a line to make my point. There have been friends I have fallen out contact with because we were on the opposite side and I couldn’t let it go any longer. Maybe it is due to the changing political climate over the past several years, but what was once water cooler talk seems to have a far greater personal impact than it once did. I don’t completely cut everyone out of my life who doesn’t see things the way I do, that is not how mature adults act. You have to find a balance.

What is your line in the sand? What are the things you can’t let slip, no matter the stakes? I have a few, but this isn’t really about  what pushes me to the breaking point, but how I handle it when I’m there. I do not like confrontation, I don’t know many people that do, other than my husband upon occasion. Since I will do pretty much whatever it takes to avoid confrontation, often my first reaction is to give the benefit of the doubt. To excuse a comment or behavior as an isolated slip in judgement. The second time, well, as the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. That is when I will make every effort to talk to the person about how I feel and how their behavior is affecting me. If there is open and productive dialogue, even if we can’t come to an agreement, I can agree to disagree and move on. I have said my peace, they know how I feel and should things escalate in down the road, they know where I stand. However, if my attempt to have a mature discussion is met with defense and devolves into an argument, well I have no problem cutting my losses. I’ve gotten to a point in my life were I don’t need to be “right”, I just need to be heard and if someone can’t hear my side, well, whatever relationship I thought I had with them wasn’t at all what I thought. Yes, it hurts to walk away from friend and even family member, but there is also very freeing to have that weight lifted, because as time passes you come to realize what a burden those relationships can be.

So, you can love someone with all your heart and still be annoyed with them, doesn’t mean you don’t love them, you may not like them in that moment. And you can let go of someone you thought you loved when you start not liking yourself for what you put up with to keep them in your life.