I try to be a good person, to treat others with kindness and respect, as I wish to be treated. However, for all my efforts, there are some people I struggle to show even the smallest amount of kindness. I know this is a flaw on my part and fully realize that giving into this pettiness makes me the smaller person, but honestly, I do not care. At the top of my list of people I can’t bring myself to be kind to is my husband’s ex-wife, we will call her Ursula, as in the villainous creature in the Little Mermaid, trust me, it’s a suitable name on many levels. I have mentioned in a previous post that I made attempts early on to be civil and try for the sake of my stepdaughter and my family, however I quickly learned this civility as one-sided and I opted to accept that Ursula was an evil presence in my life that I would have to find a way to manage. I’m not proud to say that my way of managing is to be petty and mock her when the opportunity presents itself, behind her back and NEVER in front of her daughter.
I could go on and on about the vile characteristics of Ursula, but if you know the Disney character you have a basic understanding. The character will stoop as low as she must to achieve her goals and only agrees to help the less fortunate when she’s confident that she can gain something from them in return. This is very much how my husband’s ex lives her life. In addition, she has a very inflated sense of self, due in large part to a drastic weight loss, in which she went from literally looking like the Disney Ursula to more of an Ariel silhouette, thanks to weight loss surgery. I truly believe, although I did not know here then, that when Ursula was heavier she had to play nice in order to make and keep friends, as she loathed herself for being fat, she assumed others would as well. Now that she is thin, I truly believe she has cast aside much of her faux niceness, unless it serves an end goal.
At times my pettiness towards Ursula has come back to bite me. There have been misdirected emails sent to her by mistake with my most honest feelings of her included. Last week my husband was busted snapping a photo to feed my petty mocking ways. While these are mistakes on our part, to which she has every right to take the moral high ground, rather than take it and remain without reproach, she take it a bit too far in an attempt to make herself even more high and mighty. With the email, I accepted my fault and expressed not my regret, but more my need to vent to my friends about the toxic environment she creates for all of us in this blended family. I vent to my friends so I can work out my frustrations without taking them out on her daughter, who lives with me half the time and who I love. As for the photo, well, no real excuse there. He shouldn’t have done it and certainly not so carelessly. Its was not a the huge deal she made it to be, but that is her way. Rather than be embarrassed, when I read her email I could not help but roll my eyes. The martyr was in full force. She made it seem that everyone knew what he had done, that strangers were concerned for her safety and not only that their daughter knew, but she had cried to her mother about; a week later. I don’t believe half that. I think someone noticed and mentioned it to her and she opted to wait until the day before the next scheduled event to mention it. I’m not making excuses, as I said, she has every right to lash out when she has the ammo to do so, we do the same when the tables are turned, but at least be honest.
I wish I could be a better person, to not let Ursula get to me and make behave unlike my usual self. But some people just bring out the worst in you. So, no lessons learned, other than my husband will not be called upon to be a spy anytime soon. My stepdaugther will be home this evening, we will not address the situation as Ursula suggested, as I don’t believe for a second it was known to their daughter and there is no reason to make a bigger deal out of it. It was a picture, a single photo snapped to be petty and childish- nothing more covert than that. If she brings it up, we will handle it honestly, as we must own our role, but I won’t lie, it will be very hard to not roll my eyes and maintain a civil tone, it’s just how I deal with all thing Ursula.